Moments that will always make me smile

I want to let everyone know that I appreciate all the love and support and have appreciated also the people who have contacted me and let me know that in telling my story, it has given them strength to tell their own. I hope that all those who are finding courage, and realizing that they are not alone, will find God and his purposes for you through this venture.

One thing I want for sure in the telling of my story is for you to know that this is not a sob story, a negative narrative, or a plea for comments, compliments, or sympathy. It is a story of me. Please realize that while I write of painful experiences, I am not unaware of the numerous amount of blessings also poured out by God, friends, and family upon me. I will be including those also. Keep in mind that my story is not done at the end of every post. You actually may have a life time of reading ahead of you! :0) Hopefully this story will be going for a long time.

This story is completely from my perspective and you may think that I should not have had certain feelings or thoughts. I can't help the past and the perspective that I had. I can only choose Jesus to lead me to new perspectives and to grow to embrace the life that he has lead me through. I only want to find meaningfulness in his leading.

I sat at the Canada games centre the other day, eating a sandwich while my children ice skated around the rink. Slightly behind me and to my right was a group of people. I have seen them often. One was a mother of 4 boys I had learned through the grape vine. There were also her two youngest boys sitting with her in wheelchairs. There were two therapists and a friend or counsellor or another therapist ( I'm not sure). They all sat chatting, eating and laughing.

The two children, whom I've seen often, I had learned have MS. They spend their lives largely in their wheelchairs. They have to be carried around otherwise. They have an older brother that also has MS and out of the 4 children, is one who is fine. My heart goes out to them!!

I was unintentionally privy to their conversation. I overheard the mother say, “I blame all my problems on my mother, and I tell that to her every time I talk to her.” I continued eating without blinking but in my heart I was disturbed. How must that mother feel when she gets blamed for all this woman’s problems. How would it be to feel that you were to blame, especially for insurmountable problems such as MS. This mother was obviously hurting and her mother was also as a result.

I turned my head as the sun glinted a reflection off the glass door to see a young, beautiful woman enter the building. She looked to be in her early or mid twenties. She had only one leg, gone all the way up to her thigh. Wow, I thought, “I wonder what her story is?” There are people everywhere that have a story to tell. I do too and I want it to be one of encouragement!

There were some things in my childhood that made me glad. Lots of things, most things actually! But, there are some things in my childhood that make me smile every time I think of them. Those are the fuzzy warm things!

I had two of the best set of parents available on earth. I am so grateful that God chose them for me!! He knew I needed them and still do to this day. My mother was a constant. She was there all the time. She brought us to wonderful places, bought us enough animals to fill a barn yard several times over. She taught us everything she knew. She homeschooled us (I'm forever grateful for that!), and she was both strict and loving.

My Dad was busy a lot but he was always home in the evening. He read stories and biographies to us every night. He taught us to pray and he was a real spiritual mentor.

But there were specifics that never got over looked by me. They were were purposefully meant for me alone and they are the things that endeared my parents to me more then anything.

One day, I was in the hospital. It must have been in the day that family could not stay during the night but could only come during visiting hours. I was terrified of being left alone. I never felt loneliness, like I did when I was left alone in the hospital during the nights, as a kid. I didn't sleep. I just cried quietly to myself all night long and in the morning hours before visiting hours. I remember one such time. It was the winter. It was back in the day when they dressed you in striped flannel pajamas. I lay in my bed crying.  I'm sure I looked terrible.  I'm sure my eyes were swollen and red.  I had been crying for hours.   Then the door opened and in walked my dad. He was by himself. He had a long wool,  coat on. He was covered in wet sparkles from head to toe but he took one look at me and without removing his wet gear, he gathered me up in his arms and seated himself on the nearest chair. I curled up in a fetal position on his lap and sobbed my heart out. He whispered to me, “If I had known that it would be like this to you, I would never ever have left you here!” I believed him. It was the best thing a dad could have ever said to any little girl.

My mother had a look that was special to me. Most mother's probably do. You hear a lot about “The Look” or “The Evil Eye”. Yes, my mother gave me those too sometimes but my mother had a special look too, that was just meant for when you did it right, when she was proud of you, when she was

satisfied, or when she just needed to reassure you that everything was going to be just fine. I can't describe the look but I do remember seeing that look often during hospital stays. She still gives me that same look everytime we part ways and she wants me to know it's ok. (She knows I hate good-byes and don't do well with them). She gave me that look when I had my fourth miscarriage and she said, “God will give you another child, trust him!”  That look is fleeting, It is not something I could capture on a camera. It is meant for me. I can picture it only in my mind and it is the most beautiful picture of my mother that I keep always!

 

One day, while I was still very young, my dad said that I was to go with him today. I don't remember the reason. I don't know if my mom and siblings were doing something else, I only remember that my dad took me and me alone with him to the woods. We were going to be gone all day and we were going to saw and stack wood all day. I don't remember actually being very helpful but this I do remember. My dad took me. No one else, just me! He also made US a lunch himself and we sat on a rock and ate it together. It was peanut butter and onion sandwiches, I remember, thinking that they were a bit strong for my taste but if that is what dad ate, I was proud to eat it too. I happily reported to the rest of the family later that they were the best sandwiches ever. Actually it was just the best feeling ever, to be singled out to be special.

One thing that my mother would do every once in a great while that always made me look back with fond memories is, she would buy a little box of lemon meringue pie filling and cook it up and put it in little containers with spoons. She would place four of these containers in a basket or backpack and send my sister, my two cousins and myself on an adventure in the woods or fields to play and eat lemon meringue pudding. It was so very lovely and storybook like to me that I never forgot those times.

Just one more favourite memory if you don't mind. When I was 12 years old my parents were planning on moving from Ontario to British Columbia. My mom and dad left us in the care of my Aunt and Uncle and when to see the possibilities in the West. They agreed to purchase a health food store and the next step, I guess, was to purchase a car. While there, my dad wrote us kids letters. We each received a letter in the mail, which of course we were very pleased about. But about a week later one more letter came in the mail. Just one! It was one just special for me. It was a letter with a poem that my dad had sat down and written himself all about our new (to us) yellow car. It was a poem about the colour and about the fact that the car really was more then just yellow, it was a lemon! I thought the poem was funny but what made that letter something special is that is was just for me. I put it on the fridge with a magnet for a while, I kept it in my drawer for a while. I treasured it! He took time especially for me. He spoke to me in my love language!

Thanks Mom and Dad, I love you!