It was sad day for me, in school, when at the end of choir one day; I was pulled aside and told to go see the principle. He told me that I seemed very tired. “No, I’m fine! My grades are good!” I said.
“Well,” he replied, “You ARE very tired and you NEED to take a break from choir!”
What? That was the joy at the end of everyday. That was the time to sing the cares away! It was a time to do something I could do very well. I begged him not to take choir from me. I had no idea why he thought I was tired and he didn’t seem to have an answer. When I saw that he was not going to budge. I was indeed going to be kicked out of choir with no explanation; I gave in and asked, “How long?”
“Well, we’ll review it in two weeks!”
I cried. I cried and cried!
I cried all the way back to my new home. Other student saw me. They asked why? I could give no answers. I didn’t know myself. That evening, I broke my first rule.
You see on certain nights it was boys night out and on other nights it was girls night out. This was a boys night out, but I needed to get away from people. I needed to cry and ask God what more I could do to do it right! I fled to the barn where the hay was stored. I climbed up on the bales and cried! I soon heard a voice. “Julie, Where are you?” It was Lamar! He was a gentle, young black kid. He knew what it was to be in trouble for nothing he did. He apparently had been kicked out of choir once too. He once told me, “Julie, Beauty on the outside doesn’t matter much, but you have personality that make people love you!” The beauty part I saw, but now the personality part and the love part was so hard to believe. I made people angry no matter how I was.
He sat down beside me. He said, “I don’t care if the whole world sees me sitting here next to you in the barn. I’m not doing anything wrong! I just want you to know, that what they are doing to you IS wrong. I have a plan. Just leave it to me!”
Well, we were being watched, but thankfully it was by some kind hearted young staff kid who after seeing us through a knot hole entered the barn and said, “I caught ya!” Then laughingly he promised he would not tell a soul that I had talked to a boy nor that I was out on boys night out.
When I arrived at the house, Lamar had written a bible verse, "“Do onto other as you would have them do to you!"" In regards to Julie.” The note was rewritten by another boy in a very disguised and blockish handwriting, then it was passed on to another boy, who didn’t know anything about it. He delivered the note and could honestly say, he didn’t know what it was about. (something like that. I only got the story of what they were doing later!) The note, though, had no affect on any staff conscience.
Two weeks finally passed and I sheepishly came back to choir. I was embarrassed for being behind on the songs. Everyone was looking at me. The choir director finally asked me to go see the principle and I did. I asked if I could join choir again. He said, “No! You don’t need to ask anymore. You are done!”
Gone was the best part of my day. I was devastated. I did not understand and now that rebellion in me was feeling stronger. Still, obedience and respect for authority had it’s place in my heart so I tucked the anger away inside and tried to forget about it.
One day, months later, I got called out of English class by my work supervisor. He had a very serious face. He told me nothing except, “go to my house. Someone needs to talk to you there!” I walked across the entire school, close to tears. I didn’t do anything wrong but I figured I didn’t have to, to be in trouble. When I arrived at the house, I was pointed to a closed door. Something inside of me burst! Something good was behind that door! It had to be my mom! Tears spilled out as I threw open the door. I screamed, “Mom!” and I cried! I sobbed as she held me. She had no idea how much I needed her. She had come as a surprise from Africa. I couldn’t stop crying! She had no idea what a bad, miserable, in trouble sort of person I was around here. She had no idea! It was good to see someone who knew me, the real me! The bubbly happy person.
School was coming soon to a close, I was happy about that! I had only one more month before I graduated. Now they asked me to rejoin choir. They needed another strong alto to perfect the choir. I had felt the injustice keenly and I had no inclination of putting myself back in that position again, besides I was angry. I said, “No, I’m sorry, I will not join!”
Of course my mother was here now and I just wanted to bask in her knowing me as the nice kid she used to have. I did not tell her anything that had happened. She didn’t understand why I didn’t go back to choir. She gently told me, that I shouldn’t be obstinent and should help them out. So, I did. I joined the choir again and helped them out.
Whether I should have or not, I still don’t know what would have been better. Choir had lost it’s joy. I don’t remember anything about it from there. I believe we went on a tour but I can even bring back the traveling, the where or even the singing. I don’t recall anything more about choir.
I have skipped a bunch of the story here as time went under the bridge before the end of the choirs story came along. I’ll go back to the in between times later.
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